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I had set myself the challenge of practising lectio divina with my ukulele tonight (where a particular phrase or subset of phrases from the Bible is mulled over and contemplated in depth), but decided to leave that for tomorrow, and instead maximise on the opportunities presented to me as were naturally occurring on this day, so as I was part of a scratch choir, used our final performance as prayer.
Let me explain. I like singing and I benefit from using my voice as a form of worship to God. Recently, at my church, several members of the congregation dedicated a month to putting on a concert as part of an outreach and evangelism event, and to fundraise for our much needed roof renovations. I couldn't set aside the time as practices fell on Sundays (my time of rest), Fridays (Brownies and Guides) and Tuesdays (meeting night for the various organisations of which I'm part), so supported my friends who were participating and gave my funds to the project.
Feeling slightly disappointed as I was missing out on the action, I was delighted to be invited to form a scratch choir today to put on an oratorio from not knowing any of the music at the start of the day to giving a performance at the end, 7 hours later. We spent much of the day practising and chatting about our involvement with choirs, and churches, to each other over much-needed break times. I was surprised by how easy it was to learn the music when surrounded by seasoned, very experienced singers, and a few professionals strategically placed in each part. I was also delighted to find, that despite rumours and comments I've received in the past, I actually am a decent tenor.
But enough background; onto the prayer. The performed oratorio (John Stainer's 'Crucifixion') lasted approximately an hour, and in that time, since I had learnt all the words and music, I enjoyed the concert and used it as an opportunity to reflect on the content and lyrics, a powerful rendition of the last 24 hours of Jesus' life (pre-death) and songs of thankfulness and witness of the awesome love shown through this difficult act.
I felt at times that I was really there, part of the crowd, shouting 'crucify Him', a friend who was saddened by the event, a grateful Christian in today's world, and one with some insight into the hard decisions and grievance experienced by Jesus at this time. I felt supported by those around, and aware of the tide of emotions that were present in the church where we performed. I was stressed and elated, woeful and excited. I was beholden and overwhelmed, indebted and relieved.
I learnt again the joys of singing and recaptured the enthusiasm of being part of a goo choir. I witnessed how choral music can be uplifting to the soul and stirring to the core. I was encouraged to keep singing as part of my regular prayer and worship, and inspired to participate in more choral pieces, particularly of a Christian nature with passionate and accommodating choir-mates. I was struck by the difference in feelings expressed and created between singing solo to a CD and being part of a large, semi-professional choir, and I was seized by the similarities.
Choral music itself has never really interested me, and I haven't enjoyed listening to it so much, but having had this experience of being part of a choir, and using the outcome as a source of prayer, I feel somewhat different to the genre, and may introduce more elements of singing and oratorios to my prayer life.
Thinking of my readers yesterday, I decided to challenge myself to pray with chocolate today, and not just with a supply of it available, but specifically meditating on chocolate, all it has to represent and as a focus of reflection. Surprisingly, there is very little help or ideas around for using chocolate as a form of prayer, considering how popular both cocoa and prayer are globally.
Eventually though I managed to find a little blog where somebody had set themselves the challenge of eating something mindfully, awake and aware in the present moment, and blogging about it, and they'd chosen chocolate. At last! Finally! I was again taken aback when I realised that this blog was a year old, and nobody else had taken the challenge on, or made it more widespread. Surely this is a wave that could easily crest the world?
The idea is to make the whole process of selecting and consuming a piece of chocolate a mindful exercise - only the one, as after that it becomes less mindful and more fattening, starting with finding the right chocolate in the kitchen and ending with licking your lips and remembering the sweet, heady taste. So I used their blog and embellished it, adding extra cognitive activities and points for musing. I have after all challenged myself to pray for at least 30 minutes everyday using a new method.
Start with a short, simple meditation on what mindfulness is and what it can encompass. From there, turn everything off (the phone, internet, washing machine, bath...), sit down and relax. Admire the chocolate, smell it, feel it, see it for what it is, and remember all the countless people who have touched the same chocolate before, in the process of growing, packaging and presenting the chocolate. And thank God for them all. Maybe also reflect on fair-trade and the working conditions of all these people. Think about how we can make the world a fairer, safer place.
Then focus on the chocolate. Smell it, see the ingredients, picture the chocolate in its many stages, say thanks and relax into the mindfulness of chocolate adoration. Reflect on how we are like chocolate (all individual, sweet, with different elements and hidden parts). Slowly, ever so slowly, go from seeing the chocolate in the box to lip-licking when it's finished. Smell it, feel it with your hands, then on your face, then your lips, lick the outside, feel the texture when it cracks on your teeth as you bite it, scoop out the inside with your tongue (if it's got a filling), chew on it, chase it round your mouth...
When you get towards the end, spin it out, make it last, continue to reflect on its simple beauty and divine elements, and think about what chocolate can teach us about the world and ourselves. Be aware of the feelings when it's finished, the empty space it's left and how it's changed in form and has changed the consumer forever. You will always be able to remember this chocolate if you have the desire. And this simple act of eating a piece of chocolate can change you, make you more aware of the world around, and the sweetness of slow food.
Thank God for the experience and focus on how mindfulness can be an entry point to exploring heaven in a richer context and to a greater degree. It's not just a piece of chocolate; it's a form of prayer. And a form of prayer that can be gentle on the soul, satisfying on the lips (and hips), and transformative from the here and now stress of daily life to the eternal rest of seeing God in our everydays. It also helps to look up once in a while and remember what life is like for many others around the world, a kind of challenge to do what we can with our resources to see God's kingdom come.
Not to be confused with living with the Lord, today I spent my prayer time reflecting on the physical world around me, escaping the humdrum of a materialistic, inanimate world, and letting my prayers feed on the activities unfolding around me whilst taking a gentle walk around a lake and through a forest - an idyllic place indeed!
For once, I didn't worry about getting soaked in wet mud, I didn't get scared of the geese (until I realised that one particular was not going to let me past on the path, despite my numerous attempts...), I didn't plan my prayers in words in advance, I turned my phone off, I let the spirit guide me, I incorporated everything that I could sense around me and I relaxed into prayer.
My shoes were soaked. My socks were wet for the rest of the day. My feet got really wrinkly. I was late for my next appointment (not so that anyone else would notice). I got dried mud encrusted on my jeans. I enjoyed my walk. I felt at one with the created world that God has made. I appreciated my prayer time. I felt energised and refreshed. I felt stilled and at peace. I incorporated different elements into my prayer: intercession, thanks, apology, silence.
I'd recommend it for anyone. There are many lakes, rivers, streams, copses around, probably one very near you. So take a hike, get dirty and truly observe what God's created and what he's doing in you. It's worth putting the calendar on hold for a little while, and it's one of the most relaxed prayer times I've had recently.
Not for everyone this one, and some may question the wisdom of praying whole-heartedly according to another religion, but I think there is something that can be learnt from looking in depth at every faith, seeing the similarities with our own, and deciding which bits to accept and use to enhance our own faith journey, and which to reject as being unhelpful for drawing us closer to God.
Over the last four weeks, I've been studying on the the 'Aboriginal Worldviews and Education' course at the Ontario Institute for Studies of Education at the University of Toronto, and have learnt a lot about aboriginal peoples around the world, and specifically in Canada - their mental, spiritual, emotional and physical journeys, focussing predominantly on the interplay between different First Nations groups and education undertaken (some forcibly).
Over the last three days, I've lived, breathed, dreamt and eaten 'aboriginal' as I've been desperately trying to finish the course before the final deadline (tomorrow). I've almost finished. I was struck by various issues and have learnt a lot. (Do feel free to chat to me more about any questions you may have! I can't promise to know the answers, but I may be able to point you in the right direction.)
Tonight, as my brain was so taken over by all things aboriginal, I decided to further my thinking and enhance the homework reading experience by using the text in prayer. (It was an introduction to aboriginal prayer anyway, so I didn't have to be too independently creative tonight). So I found the two texts I was to read (a setting to the prayer and the content of the prayer) and proceeded to set up my prayer situation.
I want to point out that this is not a widely recognised form of aboriginal prayer - as formal prayer takes different forms; is individualistic to a particular person, tribe and place; and is often much more carefully set up and organised, using trained medicine chiefs. Do research this further (using websites and sources constructed by trained, authentic aboriginal Canadians) if you want to know more; it can be dangerous to miss the careful groundwork required for entering a time of prayer in the aboriginal style.
First I had to collect seven objects that represented seven directions of the medicine wheel (a mental summary of the spiritual and emotional worlds all beings find themselves in throughout their lifetime). These are east (land of the rising sun and all things grown), south (place of passion, fire and creation), west (land of the setting sun and water), north (place of deep quiet and stillness), mother earth (source of our sustenance), sky (angelic realms and countless stars) and soul (our innermost beings).
I used the following objects (in the same order): bread (some medicine wheels refer to the east as bread), thyroxine (gives me energy and fire), a bottle of water (no surprise really), my aboriginal carving (deep stillness of my honeymoon in Malaysia), the bible (source of my spiritual life in some ways), a balloon (to represent all those gone [up] before) and my phone (represents all my relationships). I also had a holding cross to make it more Christian and remind me that in all things is God.
Finding the objects is part of the prayer, so is calling on the spirit of God to accompany you through the journey (using a rhythmic drumbeat). Then you meditate on each of the places, reflecting on how your soul feels, using quotes from great chiefs, variations of the rhythmic drumbeat and exploring the meaning of each of the sectors using guidance (which I was provided in the form of my homework text). Some of the words, phrases and impressed thoughts can be very animalistic, but I also found that it could be very easily altered to focus on God, whoever your god is.
I found the experience extremely profound and was touched to my core. I also felt a great life force coursing through me and helping me to connect with God in a deeper way than I usually do. An activity that needs a lot of unpacking, reflection and spiritual interaction. Something I want to return to, but not to overuse, and for which I need to devote adequate time. I feel more bonded with my course-mates, the content of the course, and discovered that I don't need to pray in an outright Christian way to find myself getting closer to God.
Not to be too quick to judge, but to see what each religion and faith journey can share, being careful to follow God, but also give myself the cognitive space to explore my faith and break through some of the pre-defined boundaries imported from aspects of religion that have less to do with Christianity, and more to do with unchanged stereotypes. But I also think it's very important to work within the confines of what's comfortable to you, not to unnecessarily follow another's example and to always feel safe in who you are and what you do.
For those who are interested, here are the links to my homework texts (for setting up a version of aboriginal prayer): http://www.whisperingtree.net/articles-and-media/how-to/148-calling-the-directions and http://www.davidbouchard.com/mtw/sst.pdf.
An often-quoted method for prayer, and an activity central to almost every retreat I've been on, psalm-writing can come in all different shapes and sizes.
I find that a typical way of writing a psalm is to focus on an already written psalm from the scriptures (or song of praise from another part of the Bible), be still, think about what words are central to one at any time, and have the freedom to explore creatively and either linguistically or visually the cognitive setting of such words and the emotional scenario in which one enters the prayer.
So I found myself on my drive home, singing along to one of the songs on my worship CD which featured a psalm from the Bible as retold by this particular artist. The words of the artist, and original biblical writer, didn't quite cut it for me today as I was feeling tired and stressed, and needed more freedom to express my words, so, using the backing music, I sung out my words, thoughts and desires to God as most prevalent to me today.
A lot of it was focussed on the despair I was feeling based on the attitudes, expressions and actions of those I've found myself surrounded by recently, and in particular, the darkness embodied in the maltreatment of aboriginal Canadians which I was studying yesterday, and the insane decisions taken by a number of drivers on the roads this evening in their rush to get home (before what?).
I started singing my thoughts and concerns without planning the form, structure and content of my 'psalm', but found myself repeating certain phrases, linguistic moods and underlying emotions. Halfway through my prayer-time, I reached my home, went inside and continued my psalm. In the comfort and security of my house, I found myself becoming more at one with the prayer and free to use my tone, volume and pitch of voice to match the words I used.
I varied my melody by using different songs and creating new music, and I encapsulated all of my feelings, both the highs and the lows. I didn't feel uplifted at the end of the session, but I felt strengthened, empowered and tasked with being Jesus' hands and feet in the situations I find myself in, choosing to act where necessary, rather than just burying my head in the sand, however hard that might be for me - always focussing on others wherever possible.
Whether my song of need and hope could accurately be described as a psalm, I have my doubts, but the method used is often quoted and practised by others when 'doing their spirituality' and has a strangely edifying effect. Perhaps I may return to this method again in the not too distant future.
An idea that's been around for a while today - to pray as Jesus taught us, using his words (as translated into my NIV Bible and Anglican upbringing) interspersed with my own thoughts, contemplations and musings as appropriate to a particular line. It's one of the first hits that seems to crop up on several websites, and in several prayer study guides very near the front of the book, or the top hit.
Today I didn't have much time for a consolidated session of prayer (except when I was stuck in Reading's longest traffic jam this morning), so started praying a line at a time and picked up where I'd left off a few hours previously, throughout the course of the day. I felt as though Jesus was right there beside me in all my panics, rushes, boredoms and imaginings as whenever I had chance I would meditate on what his prayer means for me today.
I've done this activity before, several years ago, when I was doing the Youth Alpha course (incidentally, that was for fun and mission study as I was already a long way along the road when that particular course came to my part of the woods), and it has since altered the words I choose to use whenever I say the Lord's prayer - in public or private. But I felt it was time to re-engage with the prayer, and reflect anew on what it means for me today.
I found myself spending a lot of time thinking about God as a father, and a few phrases in particular grabbed my attention (and continued to do so throughout the day). I guess that has a lot more to do with me, where I am at the moment, and what secrets my heart is harbouring in this stage of my life, than with anything else. I found it a helpful exercise, and mused that it may be a useful head and heart activity to repeat this with different prayers and favourite scriptures of mine in the days and months ahead.
For those who want to try this yourself, I'd suggest taking time out to be yourself, talk aloud, use images and icons if they help you to explore your spirituality in a more mentally free way, and don't be afraid to keep stopping, and coming back to, different parts of the prayer. Reflect on what each line means for you, and consider difference in original language, translated language, setting and context.
What would you say if you were writing the prayer yourself? What are your needs, hopes, desires, dreams, thanks, apologies, requests connected to each part of the prayer? Don't be afraid to skip lines, or to return to earlier lines, to repeat a specific chunk, or to break it up into individual words, or longer sections. Consider the setting then, and the setting now. What similarities and differences are there? What's your heart telling you now, on this day, in this place?
You might just find yourself surprised.
I hate being out in rain unless: a) it's warm, b) I'm wearing something that is appropriate to get wet (namely a swimming costume), and c) there's no chance of me being hit by lightning. Usually, it's only really in Singapore that all three criteria can be met. Otherwise, I hate rain, and there are few things quite as disgusting (I think) of the feel of cold, wet sticky jeans clinging to your skin, which is the reason you'll very rarely see me on my bike on anything less than a clear, blue, sunny day.
I was intrigued however last week to learn that in many African cultures, rain is seen as a blessing, that, quite literally, God is pouring down his blessing on his children in the very real tangible form of heavy rain. (Google: "rain", "Africa", "blessing", "-Toto" and you'll see what I mean...). Many believe this to be true all the time. Even in England. Even in a country where it rains all the time and where that rain is cold and painful.
I will however struggle to ever find truth in that adage if I continue to live where I do. So you can imagine my annoyance and grievance when I had to marshall the Reading Half Marathon in the rain today. The icy cold - mixed with sharp hail - rain. The rain which gave me two chilblains and rather a lot of frostnip. The rain which I had to celebrate in order to inspire and cheer runners who were looking extremely dreary. The rain which destroyed my shoes, and meant that not just sopping wet, cold jeans were clinging to my body. That rain.
So what was I to do, to continue to happily endure this rain, and to spread my joy and enthusiasm with the thousands of runners who I individually cheered on, whilst my fellow volunteers were sheltering under large umbrellas and in the local pub? I know, turn my rain into a blessing by counting my blessings, and thanking God for each and every one of them. Including the rain. Especially the rain.
So I spent at least an hour in prayer today (aside from the time I was cheering runners on), thanking God for my blessings throughout my lifetime, naming them one by one, until I could smile. And spread that smile a mile. Or 13.
I didn't feel stupendous afterwards, and I was still rather grumpy when I got home, until I could get into a nice warm bath and snuggle up in my blanket. But I could genuinely smile.
And sitting here in my nice warm study, hearing the rain pounding and crashing outside (it sounds like a very cold heavy rain of tropical storm proportions out there), I am continuing to smile. And thank God. Least of all that I'm not out in the rain now. Amongst other things.
I was googling ways to pray the other day, and came across a blog an American lady had written who said that she loved swimming, so went every morning to her local swimming baths, and when she was there, she used each lap to pray for one of her children - three laps for each, focussing each time on present needs, thanksgiving or concerns for the future.
Well, I wasn't exactly going to swim multiple lengths for people (I'm not a very strong swimmer and I tend to get ridiculously short of breath easily with my congenital lung condition), but since I was going to spend the day celebrating my anniversary at the local spa with my husband, I would pray for all the members of my immediate (and slightly extended) family as I swam laps. So if you think that in some measure, I might consider you as family, then you can probably be confident that I prayed for you!
The first thing I noticed was that my swimming was much more powerful, quicker and easier. I found I didn't have to stop at the end of each lap (as I usually do - to catch breath) and I was outpacing Lee rather considerably (a never before event)! I found that I really enjoyed the swimming, mainly because I really enjoyed prayer, and I was extremely eager to start subsequent laps, as on previous laps, I had thought of another 'family' member who I wanted to pray for!
I also noticed though that at the end of my swimming 'marathon', I was rather woozy and my arms were really aching (though my heart was rather light). A good way to increase my desire for strenuous non-impact exercise!
I incorporated my surroundings into each prayer as well, if, I had to wait a while for another swimmer, that particular person (whose lap I was praying for) got a bit of extra prayer. If a kid started splashing me and wanted to have a bit of fun, I reciprocated and asked for joy and excitement in the prayer. If the sun beat my eyes, I prayed for protection in the prayer. Etc.
I don't particularly like swimming all that much as I find it extremely wearing, but I enjoyed this time, and really noticed the improvements in my physical body afterwards. I think I'll use prayer in this way each time I go swimming, but will also make time afterwards to enjoy splashing in the water, and focussing on me as well.
The CU at the University of Reading (where I work) were doing a 12 hour prayer challenge on Friday. Not quite what I was used to, from my uni days, where together with Christians from many backgrounds, ages and traditions, we ran a number of 24-7 prayer sessions, but a brave endeavour, considering how far fewer CU goers there are at Reading than at Durham.
They were short a few people for some of the afternoon slots, so I volunteered to do the 5pm half hour, especially considering that I needed another form of prayer for my 40 days, 40 ways challenge. I was at work at the time, so I sent some arrow prayers up during the time I was supposed to be praying, and postponed my in-depth God chat until I had more mental attention and capacity.
I was tasked with praying for the Reading Uni CU, the students who were participating in the 12 hour challenge with me, and for Asia, and was surprised by how easy and quick the prayer time itself was, as soon as I'd started! It didn't seem like more than 5 minutes max until the clock read half an hour later.
I started with a short opening prayer, asking for wisdom, insight and ability to usefully spend the 30 minutes, and closed with a prayer of thanks. For the vast majority of the time, I named a country in Asia that I remembered (going alphabetically through them as much as possible) then named the situations I was aware of in those countries, people I was concerned about from those countries, and asked God for his blessing, strength and help, being as specific as I could.
I barely got through half of the countries, when I just named the remaining countries whilst recreating a visual image in my mind of my involvement with each country I was naming.
I believe the prayer was so quick and easy, as I was just praying for my homeland (in a way), and have a lot of passion, love, hope and concern for many lands in Asia. I would like to be able to dedicate the time at some point to pray in more depth for the remaining countries that I only had time to name. And I would also like to be able to give myself the freedom to pray for places that I love, not just places that are in the news at any particular time.
I happen to get stuck in traffic rather a lot, since I'm busy with various voluntary activities day and night, five days a week across Reading, particularly at those peak times of day, e.g. after RE:Inspired, when I've been at the Chaplaincy and on my way when I'm in a hurry... Usually, when this happens, I have the potential to get cranky and to get annoyed at the other drivers.
Today, I realised that that would not be a good thing as I have a bad case of the cold (being asthmatic), and since while my car was parked this morning (and I was safely in my house), another driver smacked into the side of my car, and I wasn't sure how much more damage the other driver had caused, other than the obvious superficial stuff...
So I decided to use the time to drive slower than the speed limit, allow lots of space between me and the car in front, let other drivers pull out into my braking distance and slow down approaching traffic lights where there were people waiting (in case the light turned to red). I also used the time to focus on the spiritual lessons I've learnt this week, cloud gaze (it was a stunningly beautiful day), sing along to my praise CDs and dedicate the next day to God, whilst asking for healing from my cold.
I was continually struck by how beautiful the clouds were - especially with my sunglasses on, as they accented the cloud edge regions, the stark difference in colour between the tightly-contained cumulus (clouds) and the bright blue background. The sun was also amazingly bright, though the radiance didn't burn my eyes as my sunglasses are fairly decent.
I was tempted to go for a longer drive on the way home, and extend my time of meditation, but decided I couldn't justify the additional burning of fossil fuels, so instead, took my fascination to wander a while with images on the internet.
I'm glad I didn't race home, and instead turned what could have been a painful half hour of sitting in stationary and slow-moving traffic into a beautiful time of reflection, meditation and thankfulness to him for the awesome beauty of a spring day.
The more I experiment with ways to pray, looking at ideas and seeing which of these appeal to me most at any particular time, the more I'm aware that my favourite methods involve working with my hands, using different themes, scriptures and ideas, but all with an element of dexterous creativity.
Today's way was no different. Having spent an hour browsing different ways to pray, the one I selected was from my new book, under the chapter 'Praying with Touch' and featured plaiting for half an hour. I used three different coloured strands of wool - pink (symbolic of Jesus and his blood); blue (representing the spirit and the new life we can receive from him through the waters of baptism) and green (of God and his creativity in creating the world).
As I plaited each strand, I meditated on the characteristics and gifts of God as presented to us in the teachings of different persons of him. I also reflected on his calling to us to be more like him, and in what ways we need to embody all who he is and all he stands for. I also took the opportunity to pray for the power to become more like him in and throughout my life.
At the end, I created two similar plaits, and have decided to hang one in my car to remind myself of my prayer time today, and one I am wearing as a foot bangle so that in every step I take today, I may strive to use my talents and experience to be more like God.
A very Catholic prayer for this evening, one that I haven't yet dared pray due to my preceding attitudes towards Catholicism as inspired by an ex-boyfriend... but as I attend an AngloCatholic church, and as many of my friends use this prayer on a regular basis, I thought it was time that I tried it out.
For those who don't know, the rosary consists of a few prayers repeated several times. The prayers begin with an opening prayer (including the Apostle's Creed) then follow with five cycles of the Our Father and the Glory Be (the closing blessing used in many more evangelical churches), with five pairs of the Hail Mary and verses relating to different parts of the gospel story. The prayers close with a closing prayer. And in each cycle there are intentions and a Catholic prayer I've never heard before. People often use beads to keep track of the different prayers and verses, though this is an aid more than a requirement.
I was surprised by my changing feelings of the course of the prayer time, starting initially with feelings of rejection and nervousness as I don't particularly like the Hail Mary, due to its common reference to attributes that I don't believe Mary had in the way that many people express them. Towards the end of the prayer, I felt empowered, strengthened and aware of the gospel story in a whole new way.
There are four sequences of scriptures that are read over the course of a day, relating to different periods in Jesus' life; as I was doing it in the evening, I followed the traditional evening series of scriptures - the Crucifixion, and felt the impact of Jesus' sacrifice in a keen way. I would like to do it again at a different part of day, and see how my feelings change based on different moods and the different scriptures followed.
I think having heard the Hail Mary 50 times (in this one session), I am a lot more familiar with it, and will know what the people in my church are saying certain Sundays. Who knows? I may even use them myself on occasion. I am also aware of how helpful praying the rosary could be at particular times. Not something to avoid in the future, but to dip into every so often when I want to pray through scripture.
It may seem that I'm starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel here in terms of finding different ways to pray, but I guess that's cos I'm such a creative spirit, and at the moment, I'm feeling more than a little tired from too much going on in my life...
Today's method is sewing. As the author (Louise Erdrich) of the following passage I came across recently says:
"To sew is to pray. Men don’t understand this. They see the whole, but they don’t see the stitches. They don’t see the creator in the work of the needle. We mend. We women turn things inside out and set things right. We salvage what we can of human garments and piece the rest into blankets. Sometimes our stitches stutter and slow. Only a woman’s eye can tell. Other times, the tension in the stitches might be too tight because of tears, but only we know what emotion went into the making. Only women can hear the prayer.”
In other words, I picked up my camp blanket, a bunch of badges that needed attaching, my YouTube player and let the spirit lead me into what I needed to pray for, and in what manner I could find my soul refreshed. I wasn't too surprised to find that lots of the songs I chose to listen to whilst sewing were sombre (to match my mood...): Time to say goodbye/ You raise me up/ Requiem for a soldier/ Abide with me/ I cannot tell.
I ended up finishing my camp blanket catch-up, uplifted, with a broken thread spool, at peace, aware of an encroaching cold, still. The combination of the music, crafting and freedom to meditate seemed to pay off. Perhaps tomorrow I could pray by sleeping and more focussed reflection of something scriptural.
As today is Mothering Sunday, I decided to follow in the footsteps of my ancestors and return to my mother church in the UK (Singapore was a little far - and expensive - for a one day trip), the place where I got married, the seat of my mum - the deacon - in Cheltenham, St. Mark.
I also used the opportunity to go on a pilgrimage of sorts by adopting a prayerful attitude all day, listening to lots of praise and worship CDs (and engaging with a few of the songs), getting involved in the church life of St. Mark (by joining the tea & coffee team), having religious conversations with people and meditating on my life recently and the upcoming months.
I found the experience refreshing, invigorating and strangely calming, and feel uplifted, challenged and renewed (we shall see how long that feeling lasts in the busy week to come)! Not something to do too many times (as I can't afford the petrol or the time for frequent day trips), but an enjoyable experience nonetheless, and certainly one to keep regular. Maybe next time I could try walking - perhaps not the whole way though...!
An extremely controversial method for tonight, as I know many don't believe praying in tongues is real while others assume that it is a gift that all must have to show the spirit's presence in their lives. Some are angry when they hear people talking of praying in tongues (let alone hearing someone use it) whilst others get very excited. I have a complicated view myself, but I know that I find the gift immensely useful for when I can't think of the words to say and when I worry that deep prayer is required for a specific situation.
I used to use it all the time when I was younger, particularly when I was walking along some less than savourable streets in London alone when commuting, though tend to use it less often now, and have rarely used it when I know someone else is listening as I know how off-putting it can be. If anyone is reading my blog in the hope of finding some new methods for prayer, please forgive me for tonight's entry as I know that not all can, nor even should, use tongues as it is not for everyone.
I use it tonight as I could do with the cognitive space I feel praying in tongues gives me to converse with God. And generally, when I start praying in tongues, I'm translating my thoughts into a language I don't know so well, but one with which I can get carried away into a fascinating monologue to God. A bit like someone learning a new and exotic language that captivates them completely, I suppose.
So this is something I like to do when I go on a retreat (at Beuno's, Spring Harvest or somewhere with a well-stocked art room) and was the craft for REInspired yesterday (the theology in schools programme for Reading that I help with). So buoyed on by the success of the children yesterday and the 'abysmal' weather we're having today, I decided to get stuck into paper craft as soon as I woke up this morning. Or more precisely, a 3D image with different types of paper.
I decided to use a message very familiar to me (as I still haven't got used to this English weather despite having lived here for 15 years) and got my crepe paper, card and cotton wool out to recreate a cloudy day at London Docklands (notice the gherkin, Exchange Tower and London City airport), but starting with a bright and brilliant blue summer sky, then overlaid with a range of clouds. As I worked on each stage, I used the object that I was modelling to form my prayers, so starting by praying for the UK economy then thanking God for sunshine etc.
The scripture didn't actually come to the very end when I was looking for a Bible verse that would fit the picture (often the way I like to do prayer paper craft), but when I found this one, I thought how apt it was. For those who can't see, the message is: "we may not always see the sun, but it is always there" and the scripture is "behold! I AM with you always - even to the end of the age. Matthew 28:20".
This was a really enjoyable use of prayer time and I now have something tangible to remind me of my prayer time and the message it contains whenever I pass it hanging on my wall. I like making things in prayer time; I guess it's because the sense of touch is so important to me.
An interesting take on prayer, probably not too dissimilar from the typical format of intercession but maybe with a little more silence included, I came across this method yesterday whilst googling different methods of prayer, and thought it sounded like a nice, relaxed way of 'doing' prayer and a great outlet for the concerns I've had about my friends and people I've met this week.
Not in the same manner as in the Old Testament times, when people were radically transformed (physically and emotionally) by talking with God, and it could, to an outsider, appear to be a very dangerous thing to do, the modern twist of talking with God includes bringing him concerns, thoughts, worries and just having, again to what would appear to an outsider as, a one-way conversation with a friend. Chatting informally about all kinds of topics and focussing on the one or two issues that really present a concern at a given time.
I've tried to do this before, usually whilst driving or waiting for someone, but too many distractions have presented themselves, and so tonight, I chose to talk with God in the bath (one of my two favourite places of prayer; the other being my car...) after my husband had gone to bed, all the chores had been done for the day and the mind was clearer and less busy.
I found the time a little difficult to get away from all the distractions at first, but it quickly became a haven of peace, solitude and comfort, and took my burdens away, allowing me to feel really settled for a good night's sleep. I think this is something I'll come back to a number of times, as I love chatting with people, and who else is better than God who sees everything and goes everywhere, reducing the need to waste time setting the scene and filling in the background info. Also, it helps me unload my cares to a safe place where I can trust the answers will come in time.
The labyrinth is a 12th century maze-like path, mixing rituals and visuals, contemplative words and space for reflection. Many people walk a labyrinth slowly whilst considering the deeper meaning in their lives and contemplating their faith journey - past, present and future. There are many ways to pray the labyrinth and it many forms it may take; I chose to use an online labyrinth today (see here) that included all the words, scriptures, points for meditation and activities, and all I had to do was let myself create and follow the spoken mood.
I chose the labyrinth today as many people have asked me if I've used the labyrinth yet when I've told them about my '40 days, 40 ways' journey. I used one a few times at St. Beuno's when I was there on retreat last year, and bought a postcard so I could follow the labyrinth with my finger in prayer, but when I stumbled upon this online labyrinth, I was delighted and decided to use this for my prayers today.
I found the whole process quite therapeutic and stirring. It met me where I was, still contemplating my dream from yesterday and yearning for some more relaxed, engaging forms of prayer that enabled me more space to sit and reflect silently. And it took me on, showing me other sides of some truths with which I am very familiar.
For instance, just as we breathe out the unhelpful things in our lives, others breathe them in, for carbon dioxide is largely a waste product for us, but is essential and very much desired by other living organisms (plants). And whilst our situations and experiences have shaped and moulded us into what we are today, so too have we changed and altered them, leaving our footsteps on their landscapes.
Dancing with dreams? Despairing over dreams? Doing dreams? I'm actually cheating a little here and doing the follow-up bits on Wednesday for a dream I had on Tuesday (counting it as Tuesday's prayer time). Anyway, I tend to have a lot of dreams, particularly at important moments of my life or when I don't give myself enough time and space to deal with things during my waking hours. Whether that's similar to the dreamers in the Bible, a feature of hypothyrodism (apparently!) or I just tend to have a better memory, I'm not sure, but today my prayer time was focussed on a dream I had yesterday.
I've found it helpful with a vivid and powerful dream to initially acknowledge its rightful place - it is a feature of my mind trying to work something out, but it doesn't necessarily have to colour my view of the world or my situation. Secondly, I like to try to unpack the dream and work out what it means, by asking God for insight, guidance and direction, then meditating on what I think the dream might mean, following up leads through discussion with friends, spiritual advisors or self-help books (Christian ones rather than New Age). Finally I like to explore the dream further through reflection on my life and my situation (by using the examen for example), meditating using a song on repeat or absorbing the meaning through some other activity, e.g. a walk, some craft or art-work.
There are many things to be wary of in each stage, and it's a sensitive and potentially long process (I spent three hours reflecting on my dream today), but can be extremely beneficial to my soul, the lives of those around me and to peaceful sleep the following nights. It can also be a tremendous tool in developing my prayer life and furthering my faith journey.
When I was a little girl, we were taught to pray by using TSP (Thank you, Sorry, Please). When I was a little older, I was taught to pray using my hand (the pinkie is the world; the ring finger are sick people; the middle finger represents leaders; the index finger the church; and the thumb, ourselves). So I used both of these in conjunction this morning to pray today.
I prayed for approximately 10 minutes of thanks, then 10 mins sorry, then 10 mins please. I incorporated apologies for things I've done wrong in thought, actions and speech, and also apologies for things my culture, town, country and world have done wrong, e.g. destroying natural habitats. I used the please time for requests for myself (mainly to be a better person) and intercessions for people, countries and situations I'm concerned about at the moment. My thanks included the beautiful weather I had today!
I found 10 minutes of lots of little prayers (thanks for... thanks for... thank you for...; please please please) felt a bit awkward; a little like a child praying, which indeed it was for me the last time I regularly used it. I also found that it limited my scope for prayer, and reduced the amount of 'listening' I did. A useful method for when you're asked to lead intercessions in church with little warning, but maybe not a technique I will use regularly in my prayer life, unless I was very sick or tired.
I often spend long car journeys in prayer, using the beautiful scenery that I pass, discussions, natural silences and background music to direct my prayers, and provide a foundation for further exploration. This weekend was the first time I didn't have that freedom to pray quite like I'm used to, as I was the driver, rather than the navigator this time. But as I felt afterwards that my journey was one of the best prayer times I've had, I chose driving as my method of prayer for today.
I prayed before setting off on both journeys, and sent up a few arrow prayers over the course of the trip. I reflected on what I've been learning about God, my calling and those around me in the silences. And I followed any promptings from the Spirit, trusting in God to keep me and my passengers safe. I learnt that I don't like motorway driving, that sometime I'm going to have to take a retreat in the New Forest as it's such a stunning place, and that when we truly trust and follow God, even the most scary times can seem sane and peaceful.
I used my experiences during the trip to provide a running commentary on what I was learning about other drivers, (and, to an extent, the message this gave me about other travellers on this journey called 'life'), to my passengers and God throughout the journey. I didn't realise quite how much I believe the power of prayer had on the safety of us all until I was shunted the next day while stationary in heavy traffic on a side street in Reading. I'm not going to allow myself the opportunity to consider the damage the same van may have caused had I been on the motorway at the time.
Knowing I would be extremely busy today and not have much time to myself at all, I decided to set myself the challenge of spending the same amount of time I dedicate everyday to prayer in short bursts throughout the day by using 'arrow prayers'. Some of you may not know this term, which is just a fancy way of saying short prayers, a few seconds long at a time, throughout the day, regarding things you see, do, touch, hear and any thoughts that may come to you.
I found this not particularly effective as a means of prayer; not having a set time to sit down and pray, meant that I relied on my memory and any prompts much more, so ended up spending much less time in prayer, and felt quite empty by the end of the day (so did an extra 30 minutes of intercession after 'lights out'!). I think if I were to do it again, I'd have a physical reminder of prayer, so that every time I looked at it, I would remember to pray. However, I'm not sure this would work all that well either, as I already have a physical reminder of God, which is semi-successful!
I also found that having short prayers meant less opportunity for in-depth expression, less chance to listen to what God has to say to me (rather than my just telling him random facts) and focussed all my prayer into intercession or commentary, with less thanksgiving and remorse.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not advocating not using arrow prayers at all, as they can be incredibly beneficial and allow us to feel that God has more of an insight and activity in our lives than a scheduled block of time in each day, but I certainly do think personally, that I can only use arrow prayers in conjunction with a more disciplined, dedicated time of daily prayer.
As it's St. David's Day today, and I haven't done any prayerful art yet this lent, I decided to use the time listening to praise and worship songs in Welsh, and putting a collage together of my favourite places in Wales. So I found a number of images of my favourite places and icons of my favourite things in Wales and put them together into an e-poster while thanking God for my joyful memories and the many Welsh things He has blessed me with.
The images represent Snowdon, Bangor pier (a place I spent many a happy time with some wonderful friends), a puffin on Skomer Island (my mum's favourite bird in one of her favourite places) and Marloes (which is special to our family). I also used images to represent Bangor Anglican Society film nights, Welsh cakes (the only dessert I like to cook), a Celtic cross, one of my favourite altar tables (at one of my favourite retreat centres - St. Beuno's), a Welsh dragon and my favourite Welsh castle - Castle Coch. (I also used Welsh colours and the flag of St. David as background).
I loved my prayer time today, feeling really creative and buoyant, so much so, that it must've been one of my longest prayer times this season, and I was almost late for the following Eucharist! I think prayerful art is something I need to create space to return to much more often!
Having had many conversations in the last few days with friends in many countries, I decided to use Lee's globe as a source of inspiration for prayer tonight, and let my thoughts and prayers wander as I spun the globe, connected by geographical proximity, a curiosity to find out more about countries I don't personally think about much, and following my line of thought regarding similar people groups and political concerns.
I found that I actually had a lot of food for thought, that I didn't need to open my 'Operation World' book or surf the news as I had many requests and thanks based on my experiences of living abroad, conversations with friends scattered all over the globe and a general knowledge of some of the things happening in different locations from previous reading and conversations.
Much of my prayer tonight were requests, concerns and silent lifting up of situations and places that I know are hurting and need God's peace and love, though I spent the last 5 minutes literally hugging the globe, and remembering that even in the darkest and most difficult times, God is still close, whatever we may feel, and that His love is truly never-failing.
And friends who I don't see so often, know that as I went to bed tonight, I was praying and thinking of you all.
Today I had a bit more time, so decided to use my new book that I got for my birthday (the inspiration for my 40 days = 40 ways to pray) to see what suggestions it had to offer, and the first one I saw that I liked was to get a bowl and a pile of beans, and each time you put a bean into the bowl, you hear a satisfying 'thud' and thank God for something in your life.
I don't have any beans, but I do have a heart-shaped vase filled with paper stars (the ones all little girls make thousands of in Singapore, China and other such places), so I tipped them all out and spent the afternoon putting them back into the vase as I thanked God for all sorts of things in my life, from friends to my android phone, gardening to Elliott Elifant.
I was surprised by how good it feels to not just use short simple thanks prayers (e.g. before you eat, before you go to bed, when your car starts etc.), but have a concentrated time of thanksgiving and blessing-counting. Perhaps not something I'm going to do everyday, but certainly something I will try to do on a weekly basis.
I went to a prayer meeting today, one of those 'traditional' kinds which involve lots of people praying together, sharing concerns and talking about their recent spiritual lives. I used to lead several of these myself, in my various roles of 'Prayer Sec', 'Prayer Co-Ordinator' and 'Prayer Leader'. People also used to ask me to pray for them as they said I was a good pray-er. Whatever that means!
I used to thrive in prayer gatherings, inspiring myself and others to spend a decent amount of time in prayer, and I used to do 'crazy' things like organise prayer pub crawls that would last for others, and involved a solid few hours of spoken prayer for all kinds of things. We even did a prayer outreach once, praying for people who walked past us in the school halls, really freaking them out!
I've found I've changed a bit since I last went to a prayer meeting, and don't find planned praying together as exciting as either spontaneous group prayer, or praying by myself. But it can be helpful to share concerns, to know that others are praying for, and with, you, and that you can support them in this very meaningful way. It also helps to feed ideas off each other, and you're very much aware of the scripture 'where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them'.
Not quite sure if being attentive is a form of prayer; different groups argue both ways. But there is something quite amazing about when you actually see God at work in quite an obvious and, in some ways, dramatic manner.
Today was going to be a stressful day - teaching a large group of mixed-level (absolute beginner to intermediate) Nepali women, none of whom have gone to any school for more than 5 years in total, and many of whom are retired; and finishing with a group of people I'd been struggling with weekly for a few years. But just listening to what God had to say, trusting him in faith, and following his lead, meant that I couldn't have worked things out better, even if I'd been writing my life as an intellectual activity.
There's something jubilant, buoyant, eternal and ethereal about the praise and worship that follows such a time of closeness to God. And there's something powerfully peaceful where childlike trust in our heavenly father transforms even the most confused and seemingly difficult situations.
Not sure whether this is really a form of prayer, or just something fun I did today, but it's what I used as a basis for my prayer time, so am going to write it up anyway.
So, some of you may know that I'm currently exploring my calling and what I might be doing in the future, of which a part is to read books advised by 'experts' I see on a weekly basis, spend a lot of time in different forms of prayer, and try out different aspects of a possible future career.
One of the books I was given is due to be returned this week, so I spent a large portion of today reading the advice it had to offer, and meditating on what various things stated meant to me. So my prayer time today was a kind of three-way conversation between me, God and the author of said book.
I learnt a bit more about the identity and content of the career I'm looking into, and discovered that I have examples of how I have already undertaken and achieved much of the assumed criteria that one who takes such a role has to have. It was quite fascinating all in all, and a tremendous encouragement for the things I've already done, as well as increasing still further the hope I have about maybe someday finding the boundaries of my calling.
