Windmills

Has it ever occurred to you to listen to the rhythmic, constant flapping of a large, modern, country windmill? These new-fangled devices are pretty amazing if you get a chance to see one up-close. The majority of the ones churned out these days have a special device that means that regardless of the weather, the fans rotate at a steady speed in an eternal circulatory motion. Whatever is going on around them, they continue to turn at exactly the same speed without a break.

Makes me wonder about life occasionally. There are those of us who push onwards ever-steady at a continual rush all day every day, regardless of the happenings and events that occur around us. Always the same, always reliably working. Then there are those who are more dependant on the wind factor and direction, who find it impossible to not respond to the social and physical environments we find ourselves in on a daily basis. We simply cannot keep going like windmills, for if we did, we would soon enough hit a stone or area of higher pressure, and clunk out.

A prophetic ministry?

I had a dream this week. I was on holiday in Northern Ireland, visiting a friend. He was late home from work, so I gave him a call to see where he was. This prompted him to leave work immediately, hop on his trusty bike and skeddadle home. His typical commute involves a rapid cycle ride through some hairy junctions, frenetic roundabouts and down fast country roads. On this particular day, he didn't make it home as he was hit by a car and instantaneously killed on a side street leading to one of the A-roads.

It was quite a horrific time for all involved, with the sudden death, lengthy post-mortem and hastily-organised funeral. It was also a terrible dream, with the death of a beloved friend and confidante, realistic visual scenes and resurfacing of many memories of loved-ones lost a short time ago to many who had moved on many moons before. Completely understandable dream, however, as I had just attended a friend's funeral, seen this particular friend, and it was all pressing on my mind.

So I tried to push the thoughts away. But they kept coming back. The feelings and views were so real, so absorbing, so unforgettable. Surely this couldn't be more than a nightmare?

I talked to my friend in the morning. He was alright. He hadn't died. Phewf. Within a few minutes of waking though, my husband called me to say that a close Northern Irish friend of his had died in an unexpected, unforeseen hit and run accident on his bike the night before. A guy on his way home, speeding down little lanes...

Funerals and what-not

There's nothing quite like a funeral to make you consider your life, re-adjust your expectations, and perhaps shift some of the value that you ascribe to certain things. Having attended a friend's funeral recently, and finding myself missing my surrogate grandmother and great-aunt (both of whom died the month before), I find this statement extremely poignant and exceedingly true.

In practical ways, I pause more often, stop and stare at nature's changes outside my office window, gallop through the hum-drum to make way for special moments and time shared with friends. I have caught up with more people, and thrown caution to the wind by trying to pick up friendships with comrades from temporal distances.

It's been a fascinating two weeks, journeying through life with slightly more awareness, less patience for time-wasters, and a passion to do good by as many people around me as possible. I have at times appeared more down-hearted, but deep-down, I have understand and recognised my friend's needs and desires slightly more quickly, allowing a swifter fine-tuning and meetings halfway between social gaps.

I tend to be a very temporary person in some ways. I run through life, ticking boxes, accumulating awards, arguing for perceived rights for both those I hold nearest and dearest, and those I see struck down by life. I'm not sure either how long certain changes I undertake tend to last. Who knows what tomorrow will be, or where my next thrill will originate?

I hope, however, to keep things more personal, blog a little more often, and be even more available for those friends who need a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to confide in. Only where the needs arise though; I'm not one to be taken for a ride. I see the lift for what it is quite regularly, and choose to anchor my faith in longer-lasting concepts and personas.

Life, but not as we know it

This article is due to be published in Spark (Reading Uni student newspaper) this week. I usually post everything I get published on my Lili Haw blog, but as this one is slightly more personal, have stuck it on this one - my 'testimonial' blog.

Every so often, we experience a life-changing moment. They don't happen too often, but are regular enough to prevent too many long-term plans from forming. Learning how to speak well in any language tends to be one, as do moving away from home for the first time, meeting Mr. (or Mrs.) Right, and finishing your very last exam! We're all familiar with all of these great experiences, and many more. Unfortunately, a few of them are also bittersweet, like discovering you have some incurable ailment that will plague you for a long time to come.

Why should we care about this? These kinds of things don't happen to us - only to our grandparents and senior members of society who have already endured a long and prosperous life. Sadly though, that's not always the case as I discovered recently, following a 'routine' appointment with the doctor. Thankfully, mine is not a fatal illness that will curtail my days, yet is one which, if treated properly with my medication consistently reviewed, will leave me looking and feeling no different from anyone else. Imagine that - anyone among us may have a terminal illness, including your lecturer, classmate, next-door neighbour, study group member or friend. I was amazed to discover that upon telling my news, my best friend announced that she had been suffering from exactly the same illness for the previous few years. That news certainly helped all the little things easier, as a trouble shared feels like a trouble halved.

It’s strange to think that having always refused medicine before on a regular basis and opting for herbal or home-made remedies wherever possible for headaches, stomach-aches and the like, the longevity of my life and ability to carry out physical action is dependent on my taking pills everyday forevermore. So many things will have to change, starting with learning how to swallow tablets for the first time ever. It’s not all doom and gloom though. Being dependent on tablets to survive, I now get all my prescriptions for free. “Oh, I’ve got a spot on my face; can I get anti acne cream on prescription? Drat, a sore throat; how about some cold and flu syrup on prescription?” Oh, the power! It’s also good to know that I finally have a reason for all my minor complaints and that once the tablets are working properly, I’ll finally have a year without frost-bite, a healthy appetite, a desire to drink and have sex – I’ll be a whole new person. I’m still amazed at how many things are dependent on a tiny part of one’s body.

In some ways, possibly for all the obvious reasons, the knowledge that I had an incurable illness came as a shock. In other ways however, it brought a release to the questions and doubts, and a whole new way of viewing life. I don’t know if I’d choose to be in this position, but I’m grateful for the life lessons I’ve learnt along the way. So be at peace when you face an unexpected twist of fate, and savour every life-changing moment you encounter.

Surprising twists in the tale

Recently, I returned to an old haunt of mine, somewhere I used to live and where I made several good friends. Whilst I was still living in this former abode, I found myself repeatedly called upon to help friends out by being there for them when they needed someone, giving as much advice and listening support as I possibly could, and just generally trying to live out the life of a daughter of God by reflecting the love and steadfastness of the Father, particularly to friends who had either lost their way somewhat or who were seeking the direction that they should follow after an imminent turning.

I thought little of it at the time, as I felt that I had received far more from the relationships than I had put in, and had truly appreciated each meeting of these minds. A little while ago, however, I returned to these far-flung shores, and was delighted and amazed to see how much change a little nugget or seed could produce. This was a poignant visit for me. I found that people could start their recovery from a broken heart and take a much larger role in their society following various stays. I was amazed to discover friends who I had been supporting and listening to, were now in the position of being able to give me advice that I had been seeking, and had taken on a more visually significant position in service than I had achieved. I found rest in the shift in power and society that I had helped to initiate.

To all my friends who made my recent stay in their lives so memorable, may you be encouraged and blessed. To all others, may you find surprising twists in your tales, and moments to treasure and change you.

God comes to us

There's a famous statement that Mohammed wouldn't come to the mountain so the mountain came to Mohammed. I've found this to be reflected in my life this week.

I've been really busy over the last week with everything that a lecturer needs to do in the last week of the term - marking essays and portfolios, writing reports, setting and marking exams, helping my students to plan and give presentations, lots (and lots!) of staff meetings... I'm sure you get the picture! I knew that I would barely have enough time to do all this and was fully aware that I would have to severely cut down on the number of Christian meetings I attended this week. No more Monday staff Bible study, Tuesday Communion, Wednesday student Bible study or Friday postgraduate Bible study. In short, pretty much no Christian meetings at all. Yet, I was pleasantly surprised that God seemed to think and prepare other alternative venues for me to fellowship with Christians and to contemplate more of His calling.

I found myself talking about God a few times to various friends and students who questioned me about my beliefs. Conversations seemed to spring up from nowhere, completely unplanned, yet which I felt very comfortable with. I think a different group of people asked me everyday to explain my beliefs and quizzed me about some aspect of Christianity that I hadn't thought about for a while, and they also seemed to gain a lot from our conversations. In addition, I felt led on two occasions to take my work out of the office and after wandering around for a bit, trying to find somewhere relatively quiet and relaxed that I could continue my work, stumbled upon two Christian meetings in progress, in a manner that allowed me to listen and seek God whilst simultaneously being able to continue my work.

It seems that we don't always have to seek God; that sometimes, He comes out looking for us.

John 3:16 outlived

A little introduction for my international readers...

John 3:16 states that God loved the whole world (and everyone in it) so much that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to this planet to live and die to bring all humans closer to God, and to save everyone, regardless of their faith, ethnicity or background.

There is a series which is very popular in the UK amongst young and old alike which is called 'The Secret Millionaire'. Each week, a very wealthy person (typically a millionaire, though this is not always the case), goes under cover, dresses up as a normal person, moves to a particularly poor part of the UK for a week. During this time, they live on a very limited budget and help out with various schemes which help the destitute, elderly or socially less acceptable group such as unmarried teenage mothers. Usually, the millionaire is someone who's started from scratch themselves when they were much younger and have built up their own fortunes, so can understand the destitute people who they work with over this week, though this is not always so either.

At the end of the week, the wealthy person gives between £15,000 and £100,000 to help the people they've been working and living with. They will usually allocate amounts of money to more than one group or individual, depending on what the wealthy person considers is the greatest need. On most of these shows, the wealthy person has given a small amount to a family who has a pressing need. One week, a lady paid a Polish family's annual housing rent. They will also give other amounts to individuals, groups or organisations that work with the destitute and needy. Another week, a lady paid for a recording studio for a blind trust based in London so that they could produce a talking newspaper and download it onto a USB stick for each of the households that had a blind occupier in the local area.

I like to watch this show whenever I have the opportunity, and enjoy seeing people who are less fortunate get given a financial boost to help realise their dreams as well as seeing wealthy people changed as they realise that not everyone is as well off as themselves.


Back onto the main text...

Recently, I was watching 'The Secret Millionaire' and noticed how many Christians there were on the show. One show in particular featured a variety of groups. There was a group of people who cooked, ran weekly day trips and provided practical help whenever needed for elderly people. These organisers knew each other through the local church. Another group hosted a project for unmarried, teenage mothers to meet together and study whilst they cared for their children and participated in joint bonding exercises. This was run by a Christian family. There was a guy who hosted a project for young recovering drug addicts and drop-outs where they would be challenged to help and serve the elderly in the area, and could relax and spend some innoculous time together at a youth cafe. This guy was a Christian. Finally, there were two people who were working pro-bono to provide and deliver food to everyone living well below the poverty line in Dundee, and would go out of their way to find the truly destitute so that they could give them food. These two worked about 60 hours a week on this project and then scraped enough time in the rest of the week to earn barely enough to live on themselves.

I was amazed that the vast majority of benefit groups were run by Christians. I could understand why people of faith would run the organisations, but the fact that they were all run by Christians, who themselves were just barely on the poverty line astounded me. I guess for these people God loved everyone and gave Himself freely to everyone so they would follow suit and serve God by serving their fellow men, regardless of the creed, colour or background of those they served. Whereas, groups of other faiths which have been heralded on this programme have provided aid to people of their same faith background.

A tropical adventure

I had another dream last night. I was on an amazing, action-packed adventure holiday - sailing in azure, crystal-clear waters and zipping through a thick, deep, tropical rainforest on the back of the fastest and most powerful motorbike I've ever seen (or imagined). The road was a windy, dirt path through a gorgeous, sparkling (from the dew) rainforest. The motorbike was driven by the world's expert in motorbikes at almost break-neck speed. There was no need to fear the speed, however, as I knew I could trust implicitly in the driver to get me to the final destination safely and happily, at whatever speed we chose to go.

At times, we drove past long, white sand-dunes. At others, the crystal, calm, blue seas and saw multi-coloured coral shimmering in its waters. Occasionally, we would pass another couple on a motorbike and could chat with them awhile and wave to them. Sometimes, the other couple quickly sped on. Others times, they would slow down, and some would stop to take a break. We could go at whatever speed we chose through the forest. We had one day to pack everything in and the road, for us, was long. Though, for others, they only had a morning or afternoon to use their bike and make their journey. The highlight of the holiday was the bike ride and it was the ride that was the most special part, not the final destination (a boat dock).

To me, this represents life. With God in the driving seat, we can trust Him completely to take us at the right speed through life, with consultation from us. We are safe in His hands, even though that might mean that our particular journey is shorter or through less comfortable terrain, than those of other people. All of our journey is stunning and worth travelling through, though we may not think so at the time. We can go quickly and see more stuff, or more slowly, and savour certain stretches of the journey. We'll slow down at certain times and speed up at others, but it's all to treasure, learn from and remember.

We have one day to make the journey so we need to choose carefully and make the most of the opportunities. Other people may pass us by more quickly than others, or we may see them more sporadically, if they take different routes through the journey. We need to choose our words carefully and make every conversation count - for them, as well as for us. The island is huge - we will all take different paths, make different choices, see different things, spend time with different people, but that is part of the beauty of the holy-day.

Sometimes we can but step out in faith

Whilst listening to 'I believe' by the Blessed Union of Souls this morning, I started contemplating how there are times in life when we all we can do is step out in faith. We don't see the end point at the start like God does. We can't anticipate what the future will hold. We can only listen, straining to hear God's voice amidst the crisis, chaos and confusion of all the other sounds in our lives.

By putting one foot in front of the other, and choosing directions which we hope will draw us nearer to God and help us to walk the life that God has appointed for us, listening for the footfalls of God as He walks beside us. He knows what the future will hold. He knows where our mistakes and choices will take us. And He loves us. We can't stray off the path too much if we consistently evaluate where we are heading and assessing our bearings against where we feel and believe God is leading us.

Sometimes the only way to get to places in our future where we need to be, is to make mistakes and traverse through the darker valleys. But just because we may not always see where we're going or may stumble, doesn't negate God's presence in our lives or prevent Him from encouraging us, watching our step and keeping us from greater perils. The pain may be difficult to bear but we are not required to carry it ourselves; in fact, we're strongly advised not to even attempt to lift the heavy burdens (Matthew 11:30).

Hindsight is a glorious thing. Knowing the reason and lesson behind each landmark on our journey is a fantastic encouragement. However, the confusing, muddled thoughts in our mind, questions about where we're going, and whether a particular rock in our path is truly necessary, is a invaluable tool for growth and exciting challenge that takes us beyond our current locations and levels. So look out for the lessons, patiently endure the trials, never stop assessing your direction or speed, and feel the presence of God in your life in each and every landscape.

The way we see life is not always the way God sees it

One of the ways in which I hear from God is through my dreams. Like Joseph in the Old Testament (Genesis 37), I tend to have at least one dream a night. Sometimes these are me trying to sort my life out by contemplating events that have happened, sometimes they're random, and sometimes they contain a message or hidden meaning.

I had this third type of dream yesterday. I dreamt that I was in a village/ amusement park for the day sightseeing and that just before boarding the train at the end of the day, I went to the toilet. I had to be quick as the train was going to leave soon. In my haste, I forgot a bag of Christian materials that I had bought in a local shop that contained books, toys and gifts that I had carefully chosen. As I left the cubicle, I suddenly remembered but by then it was too late as there was a huge queue for the toilet and the train was soon to depart. You can imagine my annoyance -a waste of money and time, and grievance at losing things I had chosen for myself or my friends and had already considered as my possessions - and there was no way to recover them as this village I had visited was hundreds of miles from my home so I would never be returning.

I was then reminded that the way we see life is not always the way God sees it. I then saw the same cubicle from the birds' eye view and watched how each person who came to the cubicle took something from the bag as for some reason, they knew that each of the items could be taken without it being classified as stealing. One old grandmother couldn't afford any gifts for her toddler's birthday so chose a soft-toy from the bag - she learnt that God always provided for our needs and sometimes our wants too. A fiance took a printed poem from the bag and used it in her ceremony and it touched the lives of some of those who attended her ceremony as it was so poignant and fitting for this couple. I'll skip the rest of the stories but the last one - the one that stood out in my mind above all the others. A suicidal lady took a book from the bag. It looked beaten up, old and was missing its front cover (I'd chosen it from the reduced section). She thought it was like her so was interested in it. As she read the collection of stories, poems and scriptures it contained, she started crying and then weeping as God was using each one to bring her to a heightened awareness of Him, bringing her from death into life.

I learnt through this dream that everything happens for a purpose, even the bad things. That even though we might not realise it at the time or ever see the reasons why, God is still working mightily in our lives and those of people around us. So next time, you lose or forget something, or something doesn't quite work out the way you wanted or envisioned, consider what God is teaching you through your experience.

About the author

My name is Libby Holderness. I'm originally from Singapore, currently live in Reading, Berkshire, and have spent substantial periods of my life in Laos, Ukraine and Wales. I am a free-lance journalist and mainly write general interest articles which tend to be factually dense. I am an avid photographer and use my pictures to either accompany my articles or in short videos. In addition, I teach English as a Foreign Language at my local university and am actively involved in student welfare at the university where I teach.

My native language is English and I have acquired many varieties of this. I also use Russian, Welsh and Mandarin and have previously studied Dutch, Flemish, French, Malay, Lao, Spanish, Thai and Ukrainian to an elementary level. I have also achieved a BSc in Natural Sciences (Anthropology, Linguistics and Mathematics) from the University of Durham, an MA in Language Documentation and Description from the School of Oriental and African Studies, University of London, and an MA in Applied Linguistics and Teaching of English as a Foreign Language from the University of Wales.

In my free time, I travel extensively, write and direct short plays, help with the local Rainbow Guides and Ranger Guides groups, and belly dance!