Windmills

Has it ever occurred to you to listen to the rhythmic, constant flapping of a large, modern, country windmill? These new-fangled devices are pretty amazing if you get a chance to see one up-close. The majority of the ones churned out these days have a special device that means that regardless of the weather, the fans rotate at a steady speed in an eternal circulatory motion. Whatever is going on around them, they continue to turn at exactly the same speed without a break.

Makes me wonder about life occasionally. There are those of us who push onwards ever-steady at a continual rush all day every day, regardless of the happenings and events that occur around us. Always the same, always reliably working. Then there are those who are more dependant on the wind factor and direction, who find it impossible to not respond to the social and physical environments we find ourselves in on a daily basis. We simply cannot keep going like windmills, for if we did, we would soon enough hit a stone or area of higher pressure, and clunk out.

A prophetic ministry?

I had a dream this week. I was on holiday in Northern Ireland, visiting a friend. He was late home from work, so I gave him a call to see where he was. This prompted him to leave work immediately, hop on his trusty bike and skeddadle home. His typical commute involves a rapid cycle ride through some hairy junctions, frenetic roundabouts and down fast country roads. On this particular day, he didn't make it home as he was hit by a car and instantaneously killed on a side street leading to one of the A-roads.

It was quite a horrific time for all involved, with the sudden death, lengthy post-mortem and hastily-organised funeral. It was also a terrible dream, with the death of a beloved friend and confidante, realistic visual scenes and resurfacing of many memories of loved-ones lost a short time ago to many who had moved on many moons before. Completely understandable dream, however, as I had just attended a friend's funeral, seen this particular friend, and it was all pressing on my mind.

So I tried to push the thoughts away. But they kept coming back. The feelings and views were so real, so absorbing, so unforgettable. Surely this couldn't be more than a nightmare?

I talked to my friend in the morning. He was alright. He hadn't died. Phewf. Within a few minutes of waking though, my husband called me to say that a close Northern Irish friend of his had died in an unexpected, unforeseen hit and run accident on his bike the night before. A guy on his way home, speeding down little lanes...

Funerals and what-not

There's nothing quite like a funeral to make you consider your life, re-adjust your expectations, and perhaps shift some of the value that you ascribe to certain things. Having attended a friend's funeral recently, and finding myself missing my surrogate grandmother and great-aunt (both of whom died the month before), I find this statement extremely poignant and exceedingly true.

In practical ways, I pause more often, stop and stare at nature's changes outside my office window, gallop through the hum-drum to make way for special moments and time shared with friends. I have caught up with more people, and thrown caution to the wind by trying to pick up friendships with comrades from temporal distances.

It's been a fascinating two weeks, journeying through life with slightly more awareness, less patience for time-wasters, and a passion to do good by as many people around me as possible. I have at times appeared more down-hearted, but deep-down, I have understand and recognised my friend's needs and desires slightly more quickly, allowing a swifter fine-tuning and meetings halfway between social gaps.

I tend to be a very temporary person in some ways. I run through life, ticking boxes, accumulating awards, arguing for perceived rights for both those I hold nearest and dearest, and those I see struck down by life. I'm not sure either how long certain changes I undertake tend to last. Who knows what tomorrow will be, or where my next thrill will originate?

I hope, however, to keep things more personal, blog a little more often, and be even more available for those friends who need a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to confide in. Only where the needs arise though; I'm not one to be taken for a ride. I see the lift for what it is quite regularly, and choose to anchor my faith in longer-lasting concepts and personas.

Life, but not as we know it

This article is due to be published in Spark (Reading Uni student newspaper) this week. I usually post everything I get published on my Lili Haw blog, but as this one is slightly more personal, have stuck it on this one - my 'testimonial' blog.

Every so often, we experience a life-changing moment. They don't happen too often, but are regular enough to prevent too many long-term plans from forming. Learning how to speak well in any language tends to be one, as do moving away from home for the first time, meeting Mr. (or Mrs.) Right, and finishing your very last exam! We're all familiar with all of these great experiences, and many more. Unfortunately, a few of them are also bittersweet, like discovering you have some incurable ailment that will plague you for a long time to come.

Why should we care about this? These kinds of things don't happen to us - only to our grandparents and senior members of society who have already endured a long and prosperous life. Sadly though, that's not always the case as I discovered recently, following a 'routine' appointment with the doctor. Thankfully, mine is not a fatal illness that will curtail my days, yet is one which, if treated properly with my medication consistently reviewed, will leave me looking and feeling no different from anyone else. Imagine that - anyone among us may have a terminal illness, including your lecturer, classmate, next-door neighbour, study group member or friend. I was amazed to discover that upon telling my news, my best friend announced that she had been suffering from exactly the same illness for the previous few years. That news certainly helped all the little things easier, as a trouble shared feels like a trouble halved.

It’s strange to think that having always refused medicine before on a regular basis and opting for herbal or home-made remedies wherever possible for headaches, stomach-aches and the like, the longevity of my life and ability to carry out physical action is dependent on my taking pills everyday forevermore. So many things will have to change, starting with learning how to swallow tablets for the first time ever. It’s not all doom and gloom though. Being dependent on tablets to survive, I now get all my prescriptions for free. “Oh, I’ve got a spot on my face; can I get anti acne cream on prescription? Drat, a sore throat; how about some cold and flu syrup on prescription?” Oh, the power! It’s also good to know that I finally have a reason for all my minor complaints and that once the tablets are working properly, I’ll finally have a year without frost-bite, a healthy appetite, a desire to drink and have sex – I’ll be a whole new person. I’m still amazed at how many things are dependent on a tiny part of one’s body.

In some ways, possibly for all the obvious reasons, the knowledge that I had an incurable illness came as a shock. In other ways however, it brought a release to the questions and doubts, and a whole new way of viewing life. I don’t know if I’d choose to be in this position, but I’m grateful for the life lessons I’ve learnt along the way. So be at peace when you face an unexpected twist of fate, and savour every life-changing moment you encounter.

Surprising twists in the tale

Recently, I returned to an old haunt of mine, somewhere I used to live and where I made several good friends. Whilst I was still living in this former abode, I found myself repeatedly called upon to help friends out by being there for them when they needed someone, giving as much advice and listening support as I possibly could, and just generally trying to live out the life of a daughter of God by reflecting the love and steadfastness of the Father, particularly to friends who had either lost their way somewhat or who were seeking the direction that they should follow after an imminent turning.

I thought little of it at the time, as I felt that I had received far more from the relationships than I had put in, and had truly appreciated each meeting of these minds. A little while ago, however, I returned to these far-flung shores, and was delighted and amazed to see how much change a little nugget or seed could produce. This was a poignant visit for me. I found that people could start their recovery from a broken heart and take a much larger role in their society following various stays. I was amazed to discover friends who I had been supporting and listening to, were now in the position of being able to give me advice that I had been seeking, and had taken on a more visually significant position in service than I had achieved. I found rest in the shift in power and society that I had helped to initiate.

To all my friends who made my recent stay in their lives so memorable, may you be encouraged and blessed. To all others, may you find surprising twists in your tales, and moments to treasure and change you.